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Hey there Girly!!
I’ll start today off with a beautiful reminder, that the NUMBER ONE best relationship you will ever have is the one with yourself.
Not your kids. Not your spouse. Not your dog.
Then however you choose to prioritize everyone else after that is your choice. I’m not going to judge you if your dog gets to sleep on the bed while your man is sleeping on the couch.
Heck, half the time the dog is kicking me off the bed and stealing the covers.
You see here is the truth – if you have a shit relationship with yourself; that will only portray into all the other areas and relationships in your life. If you don’t respect yourself, you have no true hope of respecting others.
End of story.
So you come first, then everyone else. Got it? We’re clear?
Moving on… Now, before we get into the 5 tips for self-love in relationships we need to set out one more ground rule.
If you are to take anything away from this post – You are required to follow and remember these simple words of wisdom:
Greatness is a decision and your birthright.
I believe in you babe.
That shit right there is gold, so embrace it. Tell yourself you’re a badass and awesome out loud while looking in the mirror, say it while you’re driving, and go right ahead and tell your friends how awesome YOU are too.
Stop caring what other people think so much, and just do it. Make sure while you are at it you are telling them they are a badass and awesome too.
So, here we go!
Here are 5 Self-Love Practices to Utilize to have a Happy and Healthy Relationship:
1. Know what you want and say it. It’s your responsibility to ask for what you need and not back down.
In life, so many people are afraid to ask for what they need. They either expect somebody to read their mind, or they don’t want to “be a bother”.
The reality is, the only person being bothered is you. You are the one not getting what you want. So you may go ahead and sit there being uncomfortable, not asking to use the washroom or asking for a glass of water. Jokes on you!
Most people want to help others. Their motives may not always be pure, but people love to feel needed. They love to feel like badasses. It’s not your job to evaluate anybody else’s motives but your own. So ask for some help and give them some recognition. People appreciate that shit.
You need to get past that “bother” nonsense right now because we can’t read your mind.
Unless you can read minds, then kudos and you can skip this part. But otherwise, stop trying to drop subtle ass hints that you need something.
Ladies, you know I see you! Men can’t read your mind. So stop thinking that “they should just know”. Because no, they fucking don’t. (Yes, I cussed a little right there.)
If you want to sit around and wait for life to be figured out for you, then best wishes and good luck with that. But you get choices in this world. And that is pretty cool. You GET to choose your life. You can do whatever you want to do with it.
Your life is your responsibility and nobody else’s.
Want to see what I do every morning to ensure I take on my day in a confident state? Check it out HERE!
2. You don’t get to hold past resentments over someone’s head. Believe patterns, not apologies.
The biggest thing when it comes to relationships is that when the fight is over, it is OVER. How many times do you hear people say, “stop bringing up old shit!” You getting worked up in your own head because someone did something to you six months ago is only hurting you. Once the conversation is over, it’s over.
This is the biggest thing I appreciate today about my relationship.
We both say our piece and then it’s done. Maybe we circle back if we don’t agree with the outcome, but not six months later. That shit ain’t cool. If we still don’t see eye to eye at the end, then we simply agree to disagree.
So this is where you need to let it go. It keeps hostility out of your relationship with others, and it allows you to truly appreciate the relationship for what it is.
If you are honest with the other person and yourself, all answers will present themselves. You won’t waste hurt and time on trying to change somebody through indirectly trying to tell them what you need from them
Be direct AF. If they don’t change after you have been direct, or at least acknowledge you, then that is a pattern that you need to accept. Stay or go, but the decision is ultimately yours.
3. It’s not your job to fix others. Own your shit when you’re wrong because YOU ARE accountable for YOUR actions.
You can spend all your time and effort towards trying to fix everyone else, but why? Unless somebody specifically asks you for directions, then don’t waste your hard-earned energy on those who don’t appreciate it.
Don’t take responsibility for other people’s stuff or try to convince them of “your point of view”. If they don’t see it your way then just agree to disagree.
If you blatantly know you’re wrong, then show up for yourself and do yourself the favour by admitting that “Hey this person may be able to help me grow”.
It’s an exceptional thing in life when we get to grow and learn from others. So own your shit, accept that maybe you are wrong, and learn from it.
BUT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCE are you take responsibility for someone else’s chaos or ignorance.
If Tom is being an a-hole, he doesn’t get to blame you for his a-hole behaviour. He doesn’t get to say that, “It’s YOUR fault he’s being an a-hole, because YOU pissed him off earlier.”
Let people take responsibility for their own emotions and reactions and you can take responsibility for your own. So if you were the a-hole – well then take a few moments, and then you best be apologizing for your part. But how Tom reacts is on him.
P.S. That was a lot about a-holes, but I think I made my point right? LOL
4. You NEVER need to justify yourself to anyone. Be with people who mutually respect your privacy and who you can trust.
If you make a decision to do something, it is because it’s your decision. Nobody else’s. If you mess up then the consequences are also your own.
If something happened in your past and someone doesn’t believe you, who cares? It’s not your responsibility to sit around and try to convince them otherwise. As discussed in “Me Too“, I felt I needed to justify and prove what happened to me which resulted in me reliving a trauma all over again.
Maybe the question you need to ask yourself is “why am I friends with somebody who doesn’t trust what I have to say?” As long as you are telling the truth, then who is the one that needs to look at themselves?
Accusing someone of anything is unacceptable behaviour on all accounts. If you have something to say, then say it. If you have something to ask, then ask it. It is never fair to accuse someone of anything unless you are just asking for a fight.
We all deserve privacy and trust in our relationships.
I choose to be extremely open in regards to what I am up to. That way I feel confident that I don’t need to explain myself later. It’s what works for me so that I feel comfortable.
Some people say that trust is earned. Yes, I agree. However, if somebody else broke your trust, it is never fair for you to take it out on somebody else or bring it into a new relationship.
For myself, that was the first thing I said when entering a relationship after one of infidelity. “I will never treat this person as if they were my ex. They are not responsible for the way my ex treated me.”
5. Don’t waste your energy on drama and respond to negativity. Other people are entitled to be angry.
I would love to think that this one speaks for itself but it doesn’t. Far too often you get sucked into the trap of somebody else’s drama and you react. And it can be really hard not to!! Trust me I know. It has taken me 29 years of my life to learn how not to respond, and when I do; it is like “arghhhhh!! WHYYYYYY?!?!?”
When you listen to your moral compass, other people are going to get angry. We all need to look out for ourselves and put us first.
When we start to put ourselves first, this can be difficult for people who are used to you always saying yes to everything they ask of you. These are the people who you can often identify as the ones who “always get their way”. But when you don’t cave in, to their needs or desires before your own, sometimes that becomes unacceptable to them.
This change is most likely going to make them angry and that is okay. Their emotions are their own, and they are allowed to be angry. You don’t have to fix it, or justify your why. Let them be responsible for themselves and you can be responsible for you.
Don’t waste your energy on getting sucked into the drama that may ensue. If someone ever lashes out in hurt because you have taken your power back, stay true to you. And when all else fails, delete and ignore.
We are responsible for what we put up with and how we feel. If we feel bad due to someone else’s actions, that is on us. If you no longer want to feel that way, then maybe that person is somebody that no longer serves a healthy purpose in your life.
I no longer keep people in my life who don’t serve a positive purpose. If they don’t lift me up, support me, or bring light, then they no longer get to be a part of my life. It has been a hard lesson to learn.
I’m still a human being and what is said to me can still hurt, but it doesn’t mean I need to react and only make matters worse for myself.
5 Self-Love Practices for Happy and Healthy Relationships:
1. People are not mind readers – the only person you are bothering is yourself when you don’t ask for what you need.
2. Once the conflict is over, it is over. Believe behaviours not apologies.
3. Consistently ask yourself, “Do I want to do this forever?”
4. You aren’t responsible for the a-holes in your life. You are only responsible for yourself. So don’t be an a-hole, and when you are – own it and amend that shit.
5. Don’t get sucked into the drama. Shitty people don’t need to be told they are shitty. Your lack of reaction and response will allow you to keep your power. Don’t give it away all willy nilly.